


The Robin Squad Group Chat

by sahlo_folina



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: (but only for a second and it got shut down real quick), Gen, Group chat, Trans Tim Drake, Transphobia, aka my last remaining braincells dressed up as the robins and screamed at each other, did i just write crack? i think i just wrote crack, just the robins being chaotic together, rated for language, there’s literally no plot, this is so dumb
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:55:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26937007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sahlo_folina/pseuds/sahlo_folina
Summary: Dick creates a group chat for the Robins. Chaos and memes ensue
Relationships: batfam - Relationship
Comments: 12
Kudos: 88





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is,,, so unlike everything i’ve written before. the cursed idea just popped in my brain and i had to write it.

**Prettybird** _created a group_

**Prettybird** _added_ **zombieman**

**Prettybird** _added_ **eggplantwarrior**

**Prettybird** _added_ **duckboy**

**Prettybird** _added_ **TheRealRobin**

**Prettybird** _changed group name to_ **Robin Squad**

**Prettybird** : Hey guys!!!!

 **zombieman** : Oh no

 **eggplantwarrior** : ooh Dick did you make us a group chat? am I actually being incLUDED for once??

 **Prettybird** : Jason!! Steph!! Hi!!!

 **zombieman** : I didn’t agree to this

 **zombieman** : How did you even get my contact

 **Prettybird** : Roy gave it to me ;)

 **zombieman** : Of course he did

 **zombieman** : Brb I have to go murder a certain big-mouthed archer real quick

 **Prettybird** : Why do you hate me, brother????

 **duckboy** : guys im kinda in the middle of an important WE meeting can u not blow up my phone please

 **duckboy** : wAIT WHO CHANGED MY USERNAME

 **duckboy** : JASON

 **zombieman** : ???? I didn’t do anything

 **duckboy** : dont u fucking lie to me

 **duckboy** : i know where you live

 **zombieman** : Oh my goodness gracious, I’m being threatened. Whatever shall I do

 **duckboy** : i hate you

 **zombieman** : Feeling’s mutual

 **eggplantwarrior** : hey duckboy ;)

 **duckboy** : STEPH??!?

 **duckboy** : BETRAYAL

 **eggplantwarrior** : I thought it was cute

 **duckboy** : im disowning u

 **eggplantwarrior** : you’re no fun

 **TheRealRobin** : Why am I part of this chat? Grayson, please remove me.

 **Prettybird** : Dami!!! Nooo don’t leave, I thought it would be fun for all of us to hang out :)

 **Prettybird** : Since we don’t get to all be together that often :(

 **Prettybird** : I miss you guys <3<3

 **eggplantwarrior** : oh my god the emoticons

 **duckboy** : fckn old man

 **eggplantwarrior** : bOOMER

 **Prettybird** : Guys :(

 **TheRealRobin** : I appreciate the thought, but I prefer private conversations with the few people I actually care to talk to.

 **zombieman** : Area Man Tries Getting Family to Talk to Each Other for Once. Area Man’s Son Says Fuck Off

 **eggplantwarrior** : flalakjsjdkfkkll

 **duckboy** : AREA MANS SON

 **duckboy** : S O N

 **duckboy** : JASON I ASKLJLSKSJJDF

 **zombieman** : You know I’m right

 **TheRealRobin** : You’re all idiots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [i have a tumblr!](https://queer-robins.tumblr.com/)


	2. Chapter 2

**eggplantwarrior** : is anyone online? I’m bored

 **zombieman** : Salutations, O revered purple one

 **eggplantwarrior** : you scare me sometimes

 **Prettybird** : Heyyy!

 **Prettybird** : How’s everyone doing??

 **Prettybird** : I just dropped off Damian at the zoo (he’s having a playdate with Jon!!)

 **zombieman** : Playdate

 **eggplantwarrior** : oh god you really are his dad

 **TheRealRobin** : It is not a ‘playdate’. We are not infants. We are friends spending some time together during an enjoyable outing.

 **Prettybird** : Awww you called Jon your friend!! I’m proud of you <3

 **eggplantwarrior** : the gremlin has feelings??

 **TheRealRobin** : I can’t talk right now; my associate wants to take pictures with the elephants. Goodbye.

 **duckboy** : ‘associate’

 **duckboy** : what is wrong with that child

 **Prettybird:** Hey Timmy!

 **Prettybird** : And guys, I’ve been trying to get Dami to hang out with other kids his age for a long time. It’s kind of a big thing that he called Jon his friend. Please be nice, ok??

 **duckboy** : sry dick

 **duckboy** : but yknow he did try killing me

 **duckboy** : more than once

 **duckboy** : so i think ive earned the right to tease him a little

 **Prettybird** : I know, he’s just been through a lot. We need to be gentle with him :)

 **eggplantwarrior** : news flash dickhead we’ve all been through a lot

 **zombieman** : *slaps helmet* This bad boy can fit so many traumatizing memories in it

 **duckboy** : WHERE DID JASON LEARN MEMES IM SCARED


	3. Chapter 3

**duckboy** : ok steph and i made a bet

 **duckboy** : and i have to make her waffles every morning for a year if i lose

 **duckboy** : and if i win she has to clean my apartment for a year

 **duckboy** : so

 **duckboy** : damian how good r u at ciphers

 **TheRealRobin** : I’m fairly competent.

 **duckboy** : damian can u decode this for me real quick

 **duckboy** : yvhk dvyr holhk?

 **eggplantwarrior** : I’m pretty sure this is cheating

 **duckboy** : no its not we never specified rules

 **duckboy** : damian answer the question

 **TheRealRobin** : Road work ahead?

 **duckboy** : UH YEAH I SURE HOPE IT DOES

 **duckboy** : HE SAID IT

 **duckboy** : HE FUCKING SAID IT

 **zombieman** : Oh my god

 **duckboy** : HEY PURPLE WOMAN HOW’S IT FEEL TO BE A L O S E R

 **eggplantwarrior** : Damian why have you betrayed me

 **TheRealRobin** : I don’t understand.

 **Prettybird** : XD It’s a meme, Dami

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i kinda want to add babs, cass, and duke to the group but idk. should i write more of this monstrosity??


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am back on my bullshit folks
> 
> i’m not as pleased with this chapter as the others but i’m tired and wanted to get something posted so here we go
> 
> i think i’ll try updating at least once a week (hopefully) because i’m having a lot of fun with this

**zombieman** : Hey Duck

 **duckboy** : im sorry w h a t

 **zombieman** : Yeah hi

 **zombieman** : I just need to know where you keep your first aid kit

 **zombieman** : Bathroom? Medicine cabinet?

 **duckboy** : kitchen

 **duckboy** : in the left drawer next to the silverware

 **zombieman** : That’s

 **zombieman** : That’s so fucking unsanitary what is wrong with you

 **duckboy** : no its not

 **duckboy** : the kit is sterile idiot

 **duckboy** : the kitchen has a sink which makes for easy cleanup

 **zombieman** : Why

 **zombieman** : The bathroom has a sink too

 **zombieman** : Why are you so stupid and how are you still alive

 **duckboy** : i ask myself the same thing every day

 **duckboy** : WAIT

 **duckboy** : WAIT WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW WHERE MY FIRST AID KIT IS

 **duckboy** : BITCH ARE YOU IN MY H O U S E

 **eggplantwarrior** : lmao it took you so long to realize

 **duckboy** : STEPH DONT ENCOURAGE HIM

 **duckboy** : THERE IS A C R I M I N A L IN MY A P A R T M E N T

 **zombieman** : Dude can you chill for once in your life

 **zombieman** : I just need to patch up real quick and I’ll be on my way. Your place was closest and I was bleeding

 **duckboy** : no i will NOT chill and i dont CARE that you were bleeding you broke into my place of residence that is a severe breach of privacy

 **HackingQueen** : The absolute chaos in this chat is one of my favorite forms of entertainment. **eggplantwarrior** : Babs???????

 **zombieman** : Oh shit it’s Big Sister

 **eggplantwarrior** : have you just been silently observing us this whole time????

 **HackingQueen** : 😉

 **duckboy** : stalker

 **zombieman** : You’re one to talk, Duck

 **eggplantwarrior** : AFLSLJLLJSJSSKLSLSJSDF

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dick and damian aren’t part of this conversation because ᶦ ᵈᶦᵈⁿ’ᵗ ᶠᵉᵉˡ ˡᶦᵏᵉ ʷʳᶦᵗᶦⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵉᵐ ᵗᵒᵈᵃʸ I MEAN it was Bring Your Kid To Work day and they’re busy hanging out at the police department (all of dick’s coworkers are gushing over how cute damian is. he pretends to be annoyed but he secretly loves it. dick gave him the grand tour and damian acted bored but he’s actually very excited. dick took him for a ride in a patrol car. he got to play with the siren. he’s very happy and he’s having a wonderful day and he loves his dad/big brother a whole heckin lot)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘i’ll add more characters that i’m less familiar with so i can get comfortable writing them’ he said, as he continued to write the same handful of characters over and over again
> 
> also me?? projecting onto tim drake?? it’s More Likely Than You Think

**duckboy:** damian ****

**duckboy:** guys has anyone seen damian lately

 **Prettybird:** I talked to him earlier this morning. Why, is something wrong?? Are you ok??

 **duckboy:** yeah i just need to talk to him

 **duckboy:** he blocked me a few months ago when i told him bruce was gonna trade him for bat-themed underwear so this is the only way i can contact him

 **zombieman:** That’s not even a harsh insult like it’s common knowledge that bruce would sacrifice any of us in exchange for more of his own merch. Anything to keep the bat theme going strong

 **zombieman:** And he blocked you for it?

 **duckboy:** there was just a lot of tension between us at the time and he lowkey tried poisoning my coffee once and we just hated each other more than usual ok the POINT IS i need to tell him something

 **Prettybird:** If you’re just going to insult him that’s not cool, Tim.

 **duckboy:** fOR FUCKS SAKE

 **duckboy:** DO YOU REALLY THINK IM THAT MUCH OF AN ASSHOLE

 **zombieman:** Yes

 **duckboy:** i wasnt talking to you shut your fuck up youre legally dead no one cares what you have to say ****

 **duckboy:** for your information dick i was actually going to thank him for something

 **Prettybird:** I’m sorry.

 **Prettybird:** I shouldn’t have assumed <3

 **duckboy:** its ok

 **duckboy:** in all fairness most of the time i am a jerk towards him

 **duckboy:** since he’s refusing to acknowledge my existence imma just tell you guys what happened

 **duckboy:** i had to work late last night so i went to grab a snack at a random diner by my apartment

 **duckboy:** and when i was walking back home i guess this dude recognized me because he like elbowed his friend and said something like ‘look its that tranny wayne kid’

 **duckboy:** which yknow fuck that dude but like i risk my life almost every night. ive been called worse. it wasnt a huge deal and i was just gonna shrug it off and go home

 **duckboy:** but then out of fucking nowhere robin descends from the heavens???? and beats both of them up?? without saying a word??? and then vanishes into the shadows??

 **duckboy:** like i hadnt seen him for the past week and i havent seen him since last night and im only 87% sure i didnt imagine the whole thing

 **duckboy:** but yeah i just wanted to thank him for being my tiny knight in shining primary colors even though i didnt need his help and it wasnt a dangerous situation and i can handle myself just fine thank you very much

 **TheRealRobin:** Drake.

 **duckboy:** wayne.

 **TheRealRobin:** For the record, I wasn’t defending _you_. I was just upset at how bigoted and disrespectful that man was.

 **TheRealRobin:** But you’re welcome.

 **duckboy:** well, fOr tHe rEcOrD, this doesnt make us friends and i still hate you but i appreciate it

 **TheRealRobin:** Likewise.

 **zombieman:** I hate to admit it, but you raised that boy right, Grayson

 **Prettybird:** Shit I’m gonna cry

 **HackingQueen:** That was so cute 💛

 **Prettybird:** A rare Babs sighting! Quick, take a picture! ****

 **zombieman:** Babs is my favorite cryptid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dc: tim and damian have nothing but hate for each other and they are not brothers and they will never be anything like friends  
> me, an intellectual: no 💜
> 
> and if you’re wondering where steph is, she’s on a date with cass. (shhhh don’t tell them it’s a date they still think they’re just friends. they each have a crush on each other but think the other doesn’t feel the same way.) they’re watching into the spiderverse and cuddling and eating popcorn and steph somehow got a smudge of chocolate on her nose and cass thinks it’s the cutest thing she’s ever seen and they’re laughing a lot and just overall enjoying each other’s company. (sorry for any timsteph shippers y’all are valid and they are cute together but like,, STEPH AND CASS)

**Author's Note:**

> hey y’all, adding this note as of oct 21 to say that i’m not sure what the update schedule for this is going to look like. college life is kicking my ass and i have a few serious mental issues that i’m dealing with, so i may not be able to write as often as i hoped. i still want to keep this up and make it into a more long-term ongoing project, because it’s refreshing to write something silly for once, i just don’t know when i’ll have time to work on it. sorry for any disappointment this might cause <3
> 
> [(and psssssst i’m pretty active on tumblr if y’all wanna scream to me about fandom stuff or ask any questions or even if you just want to browse some random batfam content)](https://hushlittlewing.tumblr.com/)


End file.
